Tuesday, October 29, 2013

My Perverted Thoughts While Master Trains!

What exactly is training? Well... it is when I stand before my Master and do whatever he tells me to do, no questions asked. Do I always succeed? I am not sure? Only Master knows that answer. I am here to give an insight on exactly what goes through my perverted little boy mind!

Last day of relative freedom… tomorrow he is delivered to his NEW Master… the past few weeks have just been training and indoctrination… the sale was commenced months ago. The boy no longer has a say in his future… a birthright he sacrificed for his own long term happiness.
Waiting for Training
My first thought on what "Training" would be was a time for me to "get my rocks off" for my Master or something along those lines. I could not have been more wrong. When I am being trained by Master most of the time I do not get to cum! It is about a creating a bond and helping me to grow as a boy who wants nothing more than to make his Master proud!

In my early sessions of training, Master started me off with an inspection. This just helped Master to really know what he was working with. What he found was that I was indeed a very perverted little boy. So what does Master do? He likes to keep me from cumming! This makes me "FUCKING HORNY" as I have typed to Master several times.

 Master likes to edge me and make me want to scream because I want to bust my load for Master so bad! My perverted little mind loves being in front of Master so Master can see his property. As I go more and more days without Jacking off I long for Masters Dick. My dick is constantly hard for Master just waiting for my next training session.


Awwww, he’s got it all up in the air!

And now his journey will start in earnest…
Make a Fist and
Swing Down  Hard
Into Your Balls
What exactly do I do in these sessions I keep mentioning? Well, Master found out in his assessment of me that ball torture makes me even more horny than my little boy mind already is! Consequently Master instructs me to make a fist with my hand and hit myself in the balls at least 20 times sometimes more. The most I have hit myself repeatedly is 100 times of which Master told me how very proud of me he was! I love when He states how proud he is of me! Yes, I had copious precum everywhere and Yes, my balls are his.

But, my favorite moment during my training experiences was the other day. Master told me to go find a Screwdriver with plastic handle well I could not find one but assuming he was wanting me to stick the plastic handle up my ass I brought him a highlighter which was smaller than the plastic handle would have been. I also brought him a 15 inch flashlight which was bigger than the plastic handle would have been.

I was SUPER excited and hoping my assumptions were right about Master's intentions with these objects. I was instructed to jack to the edge as Master says and after doing that about 4 times I was in such desire for Masters dick to be inside me I could hardly stand myself! Then he gave the command. He told me to pick up the highlighter and stick it in my ass.


we got ourselves a fresh hole for the party tonight.

Use Me Master

 I have a very tight little ass I must mention! But this highlighter did not have trouble going in. Master told me to shove it in so I did what I was told. I loved having something in my ass. During the time it was in my ass Master told me to "Fuck that ass" and "Put it in your pussy"!!! I loved Master talking to me this way!!!
The Flashlight That Went Up My Ass

Master then instructed me to take it out and grab the flashlight. By this point I wanted it. I knew I was relating that flashlight to my Masters Dick and I wanted it inside me so bad! He told me to "Work it in that butt boi" So I did as I was told. I slid it in. It felt amazing! Once inside he told me to spread my ass and push it in further. I did not mind that at all. I wanted all of Master inside me!

I want Master in Me
As I jacked to the edge I loved every minute of feeling my Master deep inside me! I still was not allowed to cum during that session.

When I was completely at the edge for about the fifth time master told me to take the flashlight out. He obviously was thinking I might lose control as I was pretty much yelling during my intense erotic moments because Master told me "I loved fucking that pussy boy" and that made my dick about as hard as I have ever seen it.

The point of this blog I suppose, is to tell you that I love every minute of my training. As soon as one session is over I can not wait to start another session! Master has my dick hard all day. I have already learned a great deal from my Master. My Master is an absolutely amazing trainer and I am lucky to be considered one of his boys. Again... I love you Master.

Monday, October 28, 2013

How Master Makes Me Feel!


Throughout life we are sometimes lucky enough to meet the select few people in this world who will turn out to be a true friend. True friends are there to pick you up when you fall no matter what mistakes have led to that fall. My Master was the person waiting to pick me up.

My time as his slave has been short, however it is no where near its end.

I remember feeling extremely intrigued by this man when I first met him. He caught my attention and I immediately wanted to know more.

 Here he was, a master telling me I needed to be independent... Wow I thought, I have never had a master who pushed for my independence so I was not really quite sure how to react.

 I quickly started training with my new Master. I am not sure how Master does it but he has drawn me in so tight. The more and more I train with my Master the more I am falling for my Master. I strive to please him in every way imaginable. If my Master says jump then I respond with "how high?"


Waiting For Master's Order


slippery when turned on
Slave Responds to Master's Hard Training

There is an automatic excitement when I am talking to Master or being trained by Master. I want my Master to say "Good Boy" or even to tell me that I am His and He owns me. The bond between a boy and his Master is deep.

I can not wait to gain more experiences with my Master and fall, if at all possible, more deeply for Him.

If someone were to ask me to summarize how my Master makes me feel... in one short sentence I would say... I love my Master.

--Pup Ikaros

Sunday, October 13, 2013

A new kind of drug

I always thought I was a bit different...who knew there were others like me, let alone others that are somewhat influenced in one-way, shape or form by one man.

I discovered this very blog, maybe like you are now, by accident. I wasnt searching for anything in particular. Just a mundane afternoon with my cock out and the window breeze filling my room. The more and more I read though, the more I needed to be controlled by him.

He's as mysterious as a masked super hero, but as kind as the old man next door, hes really an enigma. Youre not really sure who youre talking to, or what youre doing, but you just do it, you do it because you want to do it for him.

Its intoxicating

You crave more, you want more, youre afraid of more. Yet you do it, you do it because youre a slave like everyone else to him. You do it because you want to be the best, the one who impresses him the most.

Sure, I have a wide variety of toys, yet his favourite toy I own is my own body.

His body.

I have no idea what to expect in the future, but I know it excites me.

His perverted mind, and my perverted attitude will become a thing of legend, and legends never die.

Friday, October 11, 2013


so....I came here most recently with the name slavehearted.

I dragged along with me a rather large amount of "baggage" which I covered from others as neatly and completely as possible. Just as I was entering again into an active relationship with Joe (aka Master), I decided realized that the truth is I am tired of trying to hide so many parts of my life and lying to him and you.

It also seems crazy to me that I am about to write and post my feelings and conflicts here. In truth, most of my action here (if not all) has been shrouded in lies. I decided that I no longer wanted to lie to Joe, nor to others reading this blog. He suggested that I post here and share what I wanted to share about my journey in life, and by doing so that I might further my understanding of myself.

Joe has already posted an accurate history of my involvement with him over the past 3 to 4 years:
I have come to him, and run away, then returned, then run away, then returned...and then decided to just be honest.

So.....here goes. Contrary to what I told him last, I have not moved from Str8 to Bi to being Gay.  I am still a mixture of all three. Nor have I moved out on my gf.  The truth is that I am married, have children, and no one in my "real" life knows that I have anything to do with gay sex, nor that I have sought out someone like Joe, who is a strong bdsm master of males.

Male Bonding: Str8, Bi, Gay?

For years, I have had this intense desire to be connected with other men, and to feel like a man among men. I have not wanted it to be sexual. The predominant reasons it became sexual were that I did not receive the heterosexual bonding and guidance I needed, and in its place I easily found pictures and other media that suggested the only way for me to find it was through images and fantasy and sex with other men. It's been one of the largest hungers in my life.

I only wish that my own father would have been able to give as much to me. But, he could not. With this void, I feel hungry to feel a man's weight. I want to have him put his whole weight upon my body. I want to feel his hands, firm and strong upon me, but not necessarily sexually.

I have a teenage son. He and I live under the same roof. He daily ambushes me with a body slam and bear hug. When I say good night to him at night, sometimes he wants me to literally lay my whole body on top of his....and sometimes I do. It is in no way sexual at all. He said to his mother the other day, "It's too bad that some men think it's a gay thing to hug their sons. Cause it's not." He is all boy, and is already completely turned on by the young female beauties around him. I know because he talks to me about it. He would be crushed to know of this struggle I have had, and that I have chosen at times to feed the sexual hunger.
Male Hunger

So, I have been left with a huge hunger in my life. Somewhere along the way, I met Joe. Joe is intense...in every way you can imagine. He's intense when training another guy. He is intense in his work (I don't have solid proof of this, but I have seen enough signs of it to believe it is true). He is intense in his affection for others. But, with him, he bridged the male sexual and the physical connection in a way and in a depth I had not experienced before. He will warn you that he is addictive and is he ever. Soon, I got hooked into a world of male master control, punishment, denied sexual release and yet, love and caring as well.

So, I soon focused on the part of me that was led only by my sexual cravings...this part turned into what I called, "slavehearted." It became my focus. I tried to allow this part to coexist with the rest of my life. But, then I learned that Joe could not and would not give himself to a guy who had a wife and family, so I decided to lie to him about everything.

I didn't worry about the lies. My experience online has been, in a nut-shell, a lie to everyone. My experience has shown me that 98% of everything that men say to each other online is a lie. It's a fantasy. I didn't see this being any different.

So....here is what I think has been the conflict in my life: I have attempted to fill the hunger and need in my life to bond with other str8 men...and since it didn't happen when I was a boy, along the way, it became sexualized.

When I was about 17 years old, I went into a "family" book store to look for a particular reference book, and there tucked among the books on the shelf in front of me was an Advocate Men magazine. I don't need to explain what was in the magazine. It felt like a volcano exploded inside me. I tucked the magazine into my coat, and walked out of the store with it. That led to using the free gay 900 phone numbers, and learning the lingo, and jacking my brains out. I had such a huge need inside to connect with a man in a real way....and this magazine was the cheap substitute. It was a hole that opened in the ground and swallowed me up.

This led me to going into adult bookstores....and soon I said yes to the guy who wanted to blow me in the rest stop late one night....which was truly an accidental encounter when I was driving back to college campus.  I was not looking for it...but it happened and I let it happen.  This led to more bookstore encounters. I kept it all secret, I felt it was not really a part of my life...it just happened...but the conflict grew inside me and roared for attention .

A Bondable Man

I wanted to be connected with men, yet I was afraid of men. I could not even refer to myself as a "man" in my thoughts or my words. It was as if there was an unseen separation between me and all the other men of the world. Somehow, I had missed out on the "secret code" of being a man.

I felt different, and uncomfortable in what I perceived to be the world of normal men. I felt like the outsider any time I was around a group of men, and I began learning early any way I could to avoid being in a group of men.

On the outside, I was nice looking, in good shape, athletic (excelled in individual sports....group/team sports scared the crap out of me), but on the inside I was frozen....stuck somewhere in a boyhood that hid in the shadows longing to be connected with men....as a man.

So, in my "outside life," I met a young woman, connected with her, and began to feel the parts of me that liked doing man things. I married her, and began to put behind me the hungers I described above. No marriage is perfect. No marriage is without conflict. Conflict in my marriage started early, and my default comfort was to turn to male phone sex, fantasy and masturbation. Thus began the struggle again....but always hidden in secret.

Here is what I  think I know.....there was a lot that my own father and brothers could not give me. I think my father couldn't give it, because he had never learned it. I tried making my way through life alone without a male role model, the best I could. What I received from my father was mostly his anger. He did not teach me sports. He did not lead me in any way. I received no emotional or individual input from him. What I longed for was the heterosexual bonding that fathers and their sons should have. There was nothing sexual that I longed for from him. What I longed for was for him to put his hand on my shoulder in a relaxed way that said, "We're both just guys here." I wanted him to wrestle with me. I wanted to feel as if I existed in his world, and that I mattered to him.

Today, I think I am faced with trying to fill this hole (lack of maleness) inside me by giving myself to Joe, the perfect master, (although, he is no longer offering it to me). Either that, or I can turn and attempt to fill this void in another way.
Is He Like Me?

I have learned that if I will risk walking in discomfort (walking on through the fear)....in order to connect with other men...and to actually enter into a relationship, and a friendship....that I find that most other men are a LOT like me...and that I also am a LOT like them. Too many times I allowed the fear of other men and the discomfort of feeling different from other men further my isolation from them. I had at one time had an opportunity to play on a recreational men's softball team. I signed up thinking, "I'm just going to do it." But when it actually came time to play...I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like I was going to vomit. I looked for any excuse not to go and play. I was afraid. I had had too many experiences of not being taught and ending up looking like a fool on the field. I didn't want that to happen again. It all just contributed to my fears as an adult, and became another brick in the wall that separated me from other men.

But, I am finding as an adult that the more I walk on through the fear and discomfort, and connect with other men in non-sexual, bonding ways, the less I feel pulled into that neediness that result in homosexual experiences. I can best describe my neediness as trying to gain a masculinity by finding it in another man....almost like trying to draw the life out of him. But, when I connect in the right way...in a non-sexual relationship....it's like I begin to find out that I am a man just like other men, and I gain a sense of my own masculinity....so that I can actually GIVE to other men in a masculine sense...and I feel full inside. The hole begins to close up. I really feel it is a hetero, non-sexualized bonding that fills me up and makes me feel solid inside.

For now, this is a daily decision I have to make. When the pressures of my life heat up...and they have been heated the past few months in my life...it's then that my default is to turn to what I have known for so many years (homosexual sex)....and this would explain my recent connections here. But, I know better. I know that if I can find the alternative it will actually bring me life, and joy and health and happiness. I know the choice I have to make. I just have been buried in what I have lived for so long. The easy way was to seek the homosexual encounter. It was secret, and devoid of real relationship.

Goal: Not To Mess Up My Family
So...here and now I am setting out to choose differently....again. To connect with men from a solid standing. I won't be back here again....but I believe it is a rare and unusual opportunity I have been given to be able to share what I have here. I truly hunger for the non-sexual bonding with other men....it's then that I feel most like a man and right and true.

Maybe I will update you on my progress at some future time. Don't know. But, I am setting my sights toward my life now....my real life that was meant to be. I want real. So....thank you, Joe, for allowing me to write this here....and thanks for pushing me back toward my real life and my family.


Thursday, October 3, 2013

More Than Before

I love my Master.

It had been some time since I was last trained by Him, although I longed to be.  So, I was very pleasantly surprised when one night my Master ordered me to write "Master's Slut" across my chest. He was not yet viewing the cam, so I asked if I was to write it before he began viewing...His reply "Yes boi." I hurriedly grabbed the red marker and took of my shirt and proudly wrote "Master's Slut."

I reported I had completed that order. My Master replied, "cam on and to the tub." He saw that my nipples were very erect as I made my way to the shower. Once in the shower I was ordered to slap my left pec...so many times, I do not remember. Then the right pec, again so many times I do not remember. I knew my Master desired a bright red chest.  He had me rub my cock thru my jeans over and over in between the hard and harder slaps.

Once the chest was brightly red, I was ordered to strip to my thong. My excitement escalated and my slave cock grew even harder as I pulled off my jeans. I was standing there in my thong and was ordered to turn around so that my ass could receive spankings until my Master was happy and the ass cheeks were bright red. "Arch your back as you spank your ass" was an order. I arched my back and my ass was thrusted toward the cam...oh how my ass needed my Master's spanks.

My Master is a loving Master, so once my ass was red to his liking, He had me lightly rub the ass cheeks, the crack, hole and space between the hole and balls. His gentle touch made me want more and more. 

As a slave I do not pay attention to my cock until my Master orders me to touch it. I did look down and noticed precum oozing through the material. I was one excited slut and reported this and was ordered to turn around for my Master to see and enjoy. 

Lucky me! I was ordered to eat the precum...yummy yummy for my tummy! 

Then Master had me strip naked and lay down in the tub in order to feel my reddened ass. The next thing I know I was ordered to "PISS!" The piss came gushing out up to the top of my head, into my mouth, all over my face and chest...I leaned my head back and gargled the piss. I thank Master every time I am ordered to piss either in the toilet or all over myself. He knows the best for me. After the piss, ball slaps...2x harder...4x harder...then ball punches...2x harder....4x harder....slaps again.....my slave cock responding so welcoming to this.
These slaps and punches, the piss, the ass and chest spanks were the most intense and hard I have ever done for my Master. My love for him, my innate desire to serve him, to please and make him happy, drive to further and further into deep submission. I have never felt so whole and complete, than after I serve my master as hard as I can.  He will always be my Master, my loving Master. 

I love you Sir.

Forever your boi,
Boi Blake

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

A Str8, Bi, Curious Slave Returns as a Gay Boi

A Beginning

I first met boi slavehearted perhaps 3 years ago. He had a Recon profile and was looking to be controlled, used and abused by a male master even though he had a live in girl friend. In talking to him, he was enjoying sex with his gf, but felt something was missing and although he had fantasies about submissive male sex, he had never acted on it.

As the readers know and as I have posted: str8 and bi males are high risk candidates for slaves and/or sexual partners. My main reason, is that time after time they prove to be unreliable and incapable of being committed to one person or gender overtime.  In short, they run away or cheat, time after time, again and again.

I advise all my slaves NOT to get involved with one, when they date; but some have, and sadly with predictable  results, causing them emotional duress and disappointment.

Ready to Give All to Master
I reluctantly took slavehearted 3 years ago to give him a try.

Prior to him I actually have had one str8 boi in the UK that was with me for 7 years and he was totally amazing. He was very athletic, wild and had been living with his gf for like 5 years already and was curious.  He has no idea what bdsm was all about and I taught him over time, and one by one his limits (like no ass) fell away.

UK Boi Loves to Get his Butt Whipped
  He was in her Majesty's Service, and did his job well.  He retired after 20 years (he had started at 18) and even being in his late 30's he was in beautiful shape and perhaps one of the most sexy guys ever. He then became a personal trainer and is very good at it, bought a house with his gf and recently they got married.

When he got married I stopped training him, but we still talk from time to time.  He is a great guy and he likes to chat about: "do you remember when you did........to me?"  He still loves to be dominated by a master on line and even tried it in person once..."casue I  had to", and is happy and well adjusted sexually.  But he is the exception! ...as slavehearted was going to prove.

Slavehearted at that point believed he was str8 had a gf and was living with her, but needed more.  He described it as needing domination, as strict and as hard as possible. I do not know if he realized he was a masochist, a person who can derive  sexual pleasure from pain, but it soon became apparent he was.

However, he soon disappeared for weeks, only to beg to return, when he returned master refused to let him cum with his gf and cranked up his punishment, feeding his need, as well as pleasing me.

The third time he vanished, I banished him, deleted him and blocked him.  A year he ago he found me again on recon and tried to add me back to Skype (sometimes once a day). I declined each time for a year.  Then a few months ago, I told him he would have to read the blog and write a meaningful personal comment on each and every post for me to reconsider him again.  He ignored that condition for months, but recently became convinced he had no chance of being my slave without doing it.

Readers can read his comments, as they are revealing in themselves. Just go to the comment section at the end of each post, and click on it and you can read his short post, concerning himself and master.

He also has decided he is in fact gay, no longer Str8, no longer just curious, no longer bi; and that he needs to have homosexual relations to be whole, and that out trumps the opposite sex...and he then focused on dating only guys.  He broke up with his gf and is happier than he ever has been sexually....but I do not know if it will last.

Since he finally did the comment postings, I have taken him back and will be training him and he if he wants, he will be posting and sharing his training, punishment and perhaps breaking. He is likely to share his feelings and experiences about his service as my slave, as a way to share and better understand himself. Readers and slaves should understand that he longs for total submission and "to be broken" emotionally and physically. It will be no cake walk and a very hard road,  not suitable for most.

Slave Giving His Balls to Master
 My treatment of him will be consistent with that need and his desired purpose to serve.  I never ever treat slaves exactly the same way, nor train them beyond their limits or needs. I believe and support slave rights as you can read in an early post and that still stands.

 I also have a box for myself that I will not escape out of:  No blood, no permanent damage to boi (tats, body mods, scars, etc).  I know a small fringe of submissives think they want to disappear, be damaged etc, but for sure I think castration and snuff are illegal, dumb and immoral and those submissive guys who claim they want that can look elsewhere for a master.


Remember, the experiences of boi slavehearted will be reflective of less of 10% of the male submissive slaves out there, and should not be confused to be the norm, desirable or expectation of anyone.

Boi slavehearted has no idea what his master will do with him, to him, or how hard it will be, but he waits with desire, need, and a hard cock dripping with precum.

A boy’s journey… reality sets in.
Break Me Sir, I am Yours

Lastly, I really have no idea how long he will serve me, how faithful he will be, but he has earned his last opportunity to try and serve me faithfully again. If he is unfaithful, he will be gone. He also understands that IF he goes outside of my box, he will be dismissed, as that is mutual protection for us both.