|Artistic Depiction of a boi|
I want to describe my experience with this master so far. He contacted me because I was looking for a master, using one of the Slave/Master web sites. I'm 20 and I want to explore my sexuality and understand what kind of relationship I truly desire...and also in bdsm I want to learn my limits ...and my needs and how to form such a reality.
Very quickly, I realized that I wanted him to enjoy me, by using me for his pleasure. I discovered abstinence with its difficulty and power. I had to tell him when I touched my cock, if I came without his permission or not. It was giving up my sexual freedom...both erotic and frustrating.
At first, we made contact once or twice a week ... And he made me push my limits and it attracted me more despite that I had uncontrolled fear about what he would do next to me. ...I but kept coming back for more.
After a week, he inflicted punishment, forcing me to clean my apartment nude while a boot was hanging from my testicles, then forcing me to masturbate without enjoying a cum every 4 mins ... but I've never had as much fun to clean ...
After that, I started to think about this slave/ master and worry about it (what did it mean, was it appropriate) and therefore stop my contact...
I just came back to him today after more than a month away and told him that I did not mean to reject his domination nor our relationship. After discussing my feelings and his with him, and following his request, I contribute to this blog in this way in order to explain to the readers what I learned with him.
I am learning that sometimes it is more important to be free to express ones feelings and thoughts, which is quite different than what I am at work and with others. ... Being in control seems necessary at work..but I think I am learning that in relationships it can/should be different at least for me.
We control at work, but in relationships, we must learn to express our sexuality more freely. That I have done with my master and want to learn more.